Monday, April 21, 2014

Real Conversations with Mom: Grammar and Such

Mom:  "Now, I have a question for you."

Me:  "This is not one of those random questions which make me feel like a human encyclopedia, is it?"

Mom:  "Listen, I have told you that whenever I have a question, you are supposed to have the answer.  You have that doctor's degree, so you have to know everything I need you to know."

Me:  "That's not actually how it works."

Mom:  "That's how I want it to work!  Now, shut up and listen.  This is a grammar question.  Can I ask you a grammar question without you being a pain in the ass?"

Me:  "Yes.  I will answer a grammar question."

Mom:  "Why is it that you can't end a sentence with it?"

Me:  "It what?"

Mom:  "I told you not to be a pain in the ass!  The word it.  Why can't you end at sentence with it?"

Me:  "You can.  In fact, you just did.  Good job!"

Mom:  "That's not what they said on Raymond."

Me:  "You mean in the episode about Tom Sawyer?"

Mom:  "Yes."

Me:  "It really worries me that I knew exactly what you were talking about just then.  I'd never even watched that show until you came to live with me."

Mom:  "It really worries me that you have not answered my question.  Would you like this hot oatmeal in your lap?"

Me:  "She said that you can't end a sentence with a preposition.  Raymond ended a sentence with at."

Mom:  "What is a preposition?"

Me: "It's a word, usually a short word, that shows how its object relates to the rest of the sentence.  Like, on, of, at..."

Mom:  "Ass!"

Me:  "No.  Ass is not a preposition."

Mom:  "A-S, as?"

Me:  "Oh, yes, that is a preposition.  There is an old-fashioned rule that says that you have to keep the preposition next to its object--the thing it's relating to the rest of the sentence--rather than letting it dangle at the end."

Mom:  "Dangling?"

Me:  "Yes."

Mom: "No dangling asses?  This is a grammar rule?  Hee-hee."

Me:  "You know that's not what I said."

Mom:  "No dangling asses.  You know, there are lots of people doing grammar wrong if that's the rule."

Me:  "Mom."

Mom:  "Tee-hee!"

1 comment:

  1. So your mom is being a pain in the "as"?