Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Mom's Reaction to a Moving Commercial

So one of my friends posted this ad from the Sochi Olympics to facebook today:

And while watching it, I remembered Mom's reaction to it when it ran on tv, and, gentle readers, I was inspired to share it with you:

Mom:  "Huh.  That is a very sad commercial.  It makes me want to cry."

Me:  "It's very moving, but why does it make you sad?"

Mom:  "All those moms."

Me:  "Yes? All those moms what?"

Mom:  "All those moms have kids who learned to stop falling down.  I will never be one of those moms.  This is very sad."

Me:  "Now, Mom..."

Mom:  "Did you see?  Those kids learned to ski and skate and jump and win Olympic medals without falling down.  What have you learned to do without falling down?"

Me:  "Well..."

Mom:  "Nothing!  You have learned to do nothing without falling down!  You slip in the driveway when you get the paper!  You fall out of your desk chair because you lean too far!  You fell out of the car the other day!"

Me:  "That was the squirrel's fault."

Mom:  "I do not want to hear about that squirrel anymore!  I want to hear about all the times I picked you up and patched you up and told you to be careful!  But you never learned not to fall.  Never, never, never."

Me:  "I'm sorry."

Mom:  "All those moms..."

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Brief Conversation with Mom: I Am Accused

Mom:  "You did this on purpose!  You're trying to kill me."

Me:  "Mom, I tried not to give you this cold."

Mom:  "You did, you did!  You want to kill me so that you can use my room for pottery."

Me:  "Mom!  That is not true!"

Mom:  "Yes!  You want to kill me dead and fill my room with pots!"

Me:  "Mother!  Don't be ridiculous.  It makes me feel really bad when you talk like that.  Please stop it."

Mom:  "I'm sorry."

Me:  "I would fill your room with books."

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Guest Post: My Sister Exposes Me

Greetings, precious readers.  Well, today is a first for the blog--my sister, Gretchen, is going to be the guest author (though she doesn't really know it).  People are chortling all over facebook because she screencapped some errant texts I have sent her and posted them.  I think she is trying to discourage my bad texting habits through public humiliation.

Which only means that she does not know me that well.

Anyway, courtesy of my sis, here are some Bad Texts from Gnat:

Monday, January 5, 2015

A Brief Conversation with a Friendly Neighbor

A Friendly Neighbor:  "Hey, how do you feel about mead?"

Me:  "I'm against it."

Same Friendly Neighbor:  "'re a middle ages person, right?"

Me:  "That's why you should accept my authority on this matter.  Alliterative verse, yes; mead, no."

Yet the Same Friendly Neighbor:  "Well, we can't gather around getting drunk on alliterative verse!"

Me:  "Perhaps not.  But you can gather around and watch me get drunk on alliterative verse."

Still Trying to Be Friendly Neighbor:  "I think I'll just get beer."

Me:  "Beer goes very well with alliterative verse!"

Neighbor Who Has Now Given Up:  "Okay, poetry for you, beer for us.  And you need to trim those shrubs."