Wednesday, April 23, 2014

My Friend Liz's Funniest Facebook Posts

Well, gentle readers, I was not planning to post tonight.  I have grading to do, and laundry, and torturing myself about having bought a book by George Will.*  However, my friend Liz is repeatedly hinting, prodding and even begging to be a part of one of my Funniest Facebook Statuses posts.  But instead of posting increasingly amusing statuses, Liz is just making more and more remarkable comments all over my facebook feed.

So here are my ten favorite posts from Liz; I have rearranged them into a paragraph so that they make a little story.  A suspicious, ambiguous story with lots of penises.  This is for you, Liz.  Just remember:  you asked for it.

My Friend Liz's Funniest Facebook Posts

No wonder you can't hit the green. You seem to think that my yard is part of the fairway.  Evil Fat-Laden potatoes.  Well, you ought to stop looking at their penises.  You'll have to pry that out of my cold, dean hands.  I have yet to see an unpretty penis.  Just have at it.  If I vaccinate the fish, they'll get autism. Everyone knows that. And autistic fish just swim in circles and stare aimlessly.  Oh, wait.  He has three layers of fur. He can only tolerate so much girl heat.  SACS is tough. It's kind of the raccoon of the regional accreditors.  Man. I was hoping for a duck penis.

*It's about Wrigley Field.  I must have all the books about the Cubs, so just you shut up right now.

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