Monday, July 14, 2014

Real Conversation with Mom: On Mustangs

Mom:  "Look at that!  Look at that!  That is not right!"

Me:  "What now?"

Mom:  "That car in front of us; that is a Mustang."

Me:  "Okay."

Mom:  "So why is it that pissy-shit color?!"

Me:  "It is green."

Mom:  "It is icky-green!  That is not the color of a Mustang.  Look, I see the little horse!  That is definitely a Mustang."

Me:  "Okay."

Mom:  "Why aren't you upset about this?  Look at that color!"

Me:  "I already quoted Star Trek at you.  Shall I repeat myself?"

Mom:  "This is not a star trekkie thing!  Look!  Mustangs are black or white or red.  And that is it."

Me:  "Well, this one is lime green."

Mom:  "They have ruined the Mustang!"

Me:  "Maybe the owners wanted a lime green Mustang."

Mom:  "The owners can [multiple expletives deleted].  This is not right!"

Me:  "Would you like me to write to the Ford Motor Company to express your outrage?"

Mom:  "Yes!  Also, ram that car and ruin that ugly paint job."

Me:  "I will not be ramming any cars today."

Mom:  "You do not understand what's important in life.  Lime green Mustangs are wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong!"

Me:  "I'm sorry.  But don't you think people should be able to have whatever color car they want?"

Mom:  "No, I do not!  The rest of us have to look at those cars.  And this is a Mustang."

Me:  "So you have said.  I don't get it."

Mom:  "Won't you ram that car for your poor mother?"

Me: "No."

Mom:  "Fine.  I like your sister better anyway."