Thursday, April 10, 2014

Real Conversation with Mom: A Firm Opinion

Mom:  "The one thing I don't like about these jeans is the front pockets.  I can't get them to lay flat."

Me:  "You could try ironing them."

Mom:  "You could sh!t on a stick!"

Me:  "Mom!"

Mom:  "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of!  Ironing jeans!  I'm not like [person whose name others may recognize], ironing [that person's husband]'s jeans because he likes a crease in them.  That's the dumbest thing ever!  If he were my husband, I'd tell him to go jump in a lake!"

Me:  "You feel very strongly about this."

Mom:  "Hell, yes, I do!  Some things are just stupid.  Ironing jeans is stupid. It's like ironing sheets.  Did you know that [deceased person in our family] used to iron all of the sheets and pillowcases?!  That is sh!tty work.  Fifteen minutes after you get in the bed, they are wrinkled!"

Me:  "I did not know you were this passionate about it.  This is something we have in common: neither of us likes to iron."

Mom:  "Oh no you don't!  I am not like you!  I don't mind ironing stuff that's supposed to be ironed.  Like dress shirts.  Those are easy."

Me:  "They are not easy for me."

Mom:  "There is no reason for that.  You just don't like it."

Me:  "How is that different from you not liking to iron jeans?"

Mom:  "Listen to your mother!  Ironing jeans is dumb and stupid!  Jeans are jeans.  You don't wear them to have stupid little creases in them.  They are jeans.  Ironing dress shirts is a whole different thing.  Any questions?"

Me:  "Well..."

Mom:  "Never mind.  I don't want your questions.  I am right, and ironing jeans is wrong.  I have spoken."

Me:  "I promise never to iron jeans."

Mom:  "That's a good girl."

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