Real Questions from Mom

"Why is the salt shaker in the freezer?"

"Why do you use paperclips as bookmarks?  You have dozens of real bookmarks!"

"Why are you sitting in my chair?  You do not have permission to sit in my chair."

"Where is the clicker?  No, the other clicker.  No, the other clicker.  You're an idiot.  Find the damn clicker."

"What is in that cup?  Do not bring that cup in this house.  No, just throw it away.  I don't care what it says on it!  Why do you think that matters?  Have you seen what's in that cup?!"

"Did you fix the cushions?  That is not fixing the cushions.  What are you doing?  Do not just hit the cushions!  What are you doing to that poor sofa?  Get away from there.  You are useless with the cushions."

"Why did you move those glasses?  I just rearranged the kitchen, and you moved the glasses back.  I don't want to hear it.  No.  You are not five years old and should not be breaking glasses all over the kitchen.  Shut up.   I'm not letting you use the glasses anymore.  You can drink from the cat dish."

"Why is the cat dish in the freezer?!"

"What are  you doing now?  No, I did not ask because I wanted to know.  I asked because I wanted you to stop and come over here and help me."

"Are you limping?  Why are you limping?  That's not good enough.  I don't care.  I'm not telling people you keep getting hurt in pottery class.  It's embarrassing."

"Did you eat the last piece of pizza?  That was my pizza.  What?  Listen, if there is only one piece of pizza, it's always my piece of pizza.  New house rule."

"Don't you think there are too many shoes in this room?  There are eight pairs of shoes in this room.  Yes, I counted them.  I counted them when I was trying not to trip over them.  Don't you think you should put them away before I throw them out in the rain?  Yes, good idea."