Update: The book Mom is talking about is Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James. I have not read it.
Mom: "Hey, did you hear about this book a woman wrote?"
Me: "Does it have vampires in it?"
Mom: "No. Idiot. Listen, this woman wrote this book, and the people are trying to get it out of the libraries and bookstores and places."
Me: "Hmmm...Wifey? Harry Potter?"
Mom: "No. Listen, it's got sex in it."
Me: "The Feminine Mystique?"
Mom: "What are you talking about? Those are all old books! This one says that women like rough sex."
Me: "And it doesn't have vampires in it?"
Mom: "No, dumbhead! No vampires or star trekkies or any of that stupid stuff! It says that some women like the rough sex. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?"
Me: "I know nothing whereof you speak. Alas and weylaway!"
Mom: "Will you stop being an idiot for one damn minute! It's all over the news!"
Me: "I haven't watched the news today."
Mom: "Why not?"
Me: "I was working. And grading. And accidentally pouring tomato soup all over my new shirt."
Mom: "Listen, you have got to keep up with the world. I need to have someone around who knows what's going on and can explain it to me."
Me: "I'll try to do better."
Mom: "You'd better. I want to know what's going on with this book. Something is wrong somewhere, and I think I should be pissed off at someone."
Me: "You need a book for that?"
Mom: "Oh, shut up. And get me some brandy."