Real Conversation with Mom: Some Book

Update:  The book Mom is talking about is Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James.  I have not read it.

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Mom:  "Hey, did you hear about this book a woman wrote?"

Me:  "Does it have vampires in it?"

Mom:  "No.  Idiot.  Listen, this woman wrote this book, and the people are trying to get it out of the libraries and bookstores and places."

Me:  "Hmmm...Wifey?  Harry Potter?"

Mom:  "No.  Listen, it's got sex in it."

Me:  "The Feminine Mystique?"

Mom:  "What are you talking about?  Those are all old books!  This one says that women like rough sex."

Me:  "And it doesn't have vampires in it?"

Mom:  "No, dumbhead!  No vampires or star trekkies or any of that stupid stuff!  It says that some women like the rough sex.  Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?"

Me:  "I know nothing whereof you speak.  Alas and weylaway!"

Mom:  "Will you stop being an idiot for one damn minute!  It's all over the news!"

Me:  "I haven't watched the news today."

Mom:  "Why not?"

Me:  "I was working.  And grading.  And accidentally pouring tomato soup all over my new shirt."

Mom:  "Listen, you have got to keep up with the world.  I need to have someone around who knows what's going on and can explain it to me."

Me:  "I'll try to do better."

Mom:  "You'd better.  I want to know what's going on with this book.  Something is wrong somewhere, and I think I should be pissed off at someone."

Me:  "You need a book for that?"

Mom:  "Oh, shut up.  And get me some brandy."