Me: "What do you have on?"
Mom: "The show with the witch."
Me: "Oh." [pause] "Are these supposed to be high school students?"
Mom: "Yes. Hush! I'm watching."
Me: "Why is that dark-haired girl dressed like that? You can't dress that way in high school!"
Mom: "These are modern days. No one wears any clothes anymore. Naked people in the stores. It's embarrassing."
Me: "Is she having sex with her teacher?"
Mom: "Well, right now she's in class, but yes, they do that sometimes."
Me: "Does he get arrested?"
Mom: "No. Shut up. He becomes a professor."
Me: "Oh, right, that's likely. Does he know professors aren't allowed to sleep with their students either?"
Mom: "Shut up. They're all getting one of those phone beep things."
Me: "Is it possible that you mean a text?"
Mom: "Yes, and they don't know who it's from. It could be a ghost. Could be a murderer."
Me: "They should just get new cell phones with different numbers. Of course, all that mascara is probably making it hard for them to think straight. Why do you watch this? Can't we put on some Buffy dvds?"
Mom: "You are being a pain in the ass. Oh, there's the witch! I wish they 'd tell her what's going on with those beeps. She'd get that ABC person."
Me: "How do you know she's a witch?"
Mom: "It's on the other show with the three sisters and the old house."
Me: "Do you mean Charmed? Wait, you watch Charmed?!"
Mom: "I do all kinds of things when you're at work. Sometimes I [censored]. Now, would you please shut up."
Me: "I'm going to go bleach my brain."
Mom: "Do not get bleach on those new towels, or I will kick your butt!"