It's Sunday evening, and I'm doing laundry and a bit of grading and thinking about last Sunday evening when I had a sort of crisis, one which will repeat this Sunday evening in about six minutes (before I finish writing this post, in fact).
The crisis is that 9pm Sunday evening EST is when I have to choose between watching The Walking Dead or George Takei. Now, I know what you're thinking: "How can anyone think about anything on Sunday evening other than Downton Abbey?" And the answer to that is: I have not yet joined your cult, but I've been DVRing episodes so that I can take the plunge over spring break, so back off, Downtonians! I'm a medievalist, not a Soong-type android with a positronic brain.
Of course, some of you are now thinking, "What do you mean crisis? You have a DVR, so there are no more television crises! Are you stuck in the late twentieth century or something? I'll bet you still buy cds." And the answer to that is, yes, I still buy cds, and I even have a turntable on which I listen to vinyl records because I'm pretty sure that all that satanic stuff that was recorded backwards in the 80s is what makes them sound so much better than stuff does on an ipod. Plus, those little earbuds always get tangled in my earrings (which I will not remove for cultural reasons).
And the other answer to that is, of course, I'm DVRing everything, but people will start posting stuff about The Walking Dead tonight, and if I don't watch it live, then I'll be spoiled by the, well, spoilers. And before you say it, no, I cannot just record George Takei and wait to watch him later because he's frakking George Takei.
(I should probably mention that I don't acknowledge the fact that some of you may not know who George Takei is. There are some things a person should not wot of, and there are other things that a person had darned well better wot, and George Takei is one of them!)
Ahem. Meanwhile, a few of you are probably saying, "Now, wait, George Takei is, indeed, one of the grooviest of dudes, but why is he on tv on Sunday evenings? He doesn't have a new show, does he? Well, does he?" And the answer to that is no, he doesn't have a new show; he's on that show that Donald Trump has where he makes celebrities do embarrassing things and then call everyone they know for money.
And now all of you are undoubtedly objecting, "You are choosing Trump over zombies?! Your starboard power coupling is seriously damaged!" And the answer to that is no, I'm choosing George Takei and zombies because I have a remote control and can shift between Takei and zombies with the flick of a digit. And I can flick away Trump with the same efficiency.
Which carries its own kind of warped pleasure. (Anyone who didn't groan at that pun had better just give up on this post altogether.)
And now anyone still reading is thinking, "Well, crisis solved, yes? You flick back and forth between Takei and the Walking Dead and get the best of both worlds (you cannot call yourself a TNG fan if you didn't get that one), so what's your problem?" And the answer to that is:
According to my memories of last Sunday evening, a blond woman hit a zombie with a hubcap right before someone suggested that the Incredible Hulk become a honeybadger. Then Victoria Gotti snarked at one of the Frightening Housewives of New Jersey while a group of men had a shootout in a drug store and Clay Aiken flirted with George Takei, who was not inspired by a motorcycle guy with a crazy mustache while a kid's leg was sawed off.
Now how, exactly, am I supposed to grade papers in the middle of all of that? I couldn't be more confused if I'd mistaken Ceti Alpha V for Ceti Alpha VI. And as you all know, that's pretty damned confused.