Mom: "I thought you said you were going to clean up your room last night!"
Me: "First, this is my house, and second, I am not thirteen. They are all my rooms."
Mom: "Do you want me to slap the shit out of you? You said you were going to clean up your bedroom."
Me: "Well, I got part of it done."
Mom: "This room looks exactly the way it did yesterday. You didn't clean anything."
Me: "I started on the west side."
Mom: "See, I'm going to have to hit you. All the sides are a mess!"
Me: "One of the closets is on the west side, and that's where I started. I reorganized the shoe tree."
Mom: "And that took you hours?"
Me: "Well, yes. First, I took all of the shoes out. Then I had to search for the windex."
Mom: "You did not put windex on your shoes!"
Me: "Of course not. I used it to clean the shoe tree. But it took me a while to find it, and then I found the Modern Vampires dvd which I am sending to a friend, and then I had to find something to mail it in and look up her address again because I wanted to get it mailed, but then I got back to the shoe tree and cleaned out all of the little cubbies."
Mom: "Why are there still three pairs of shoes on the floor?"
Me: "Well, I put the winter shoes on the bottom, and the summer shoes on the top, and then I organized each section by color. I can't decide whether those are winter or summer, so I couldn't figure out where to put them, and I decided to sleep on it."
Mom: "My poor baby. I can't believe I had a baby like you. I dropped you on your head in the diaper pail, and you have never been normal."
Me: "Wait a minute..."
Mom: "On your poor little head. And now you put spices in alphabetical order and your shoes by color, but that suitcase from your trip to Michigan is still not put away! It's very very sad."
Mom: "Don't talk to me."