In Honor of Bernie Dunlap...

Me:  "Mom, I have bad news."

Mom:  "Please don't tell me that that Glee show is on for another hour."

Me:  "Well, yes, as a matter of fact it is.  But that's not what I was going to tell you."

Mom:  "What did you break?"

Me:  "Nothing.  Well, I think I broke the soap dispenser at school today, but that's not what I was going to tell you."

Mom:  "Did you tell your aunt that movers charge by the hour?"

Me:  "What?  Which aunt?"

Mom:  "You know which aunt.  And you're in big trouble with your other aunt if you did."

Me:  "I have no idea what you're talking about, and I also deny it completely.  Listen.  This is important."

Mom:  "What?"

Me:  "Bernie has announced his retirement."

Mom:  "What?!  My Bernie?  He cannot retire!"

Me:  "Well, not until 2013, and he says he's going to come back..."

Mom:  "You will text him right now!"

Me:  "I don't have his cell phone number."

Mom:  "You will e-mail him right now!  And you will tell him that he cannot retire until I have those Wofford kitty collars, and that's final!  He's just doing this to try to escape his duty to get me those collars."

Me:  "You do realize that you're completely insane, right?  Millennium hand and shrimp insane."

Mom:  "You heard me.  Don't make me repeat myself."