New Year's Resolutions

Every year I make the same New Year's Resolution, and I think I've been satisfying it, more or less, but Mom has pointed out that it's so subjective that I can always claim victory which makes it "not fair!"  So she's asked me to make some new resolutions, ones that are actually visible to others and that I have a reasonable chance to fulfill.  So here they are:

1. I resolve not to have to ask my colleague Amy to find my office keys more than once a week, and I further resolve to check both hands and my pockets before asking her to help me find said keys.
2. I resolve to buy or steal a cowbell.
3. I resolve not to set my backpack on fire this year.
4. I resolve not to fall down and roll down the hill on my property more than once a month.
5. I resolve not to buy anymore orange clothes, no matter how they look in the store.  Orange is not the new black or pink.  Orange is the old "makes my skin look green," and I resolve to remember that.
6. I resolve that if I go upstairs to ask my Chair a question, I will not forget that question before getting up the stairs.
7. I resolve to keep the letter that goes with book reviews I'm writing inside the books I'm reviewing, as sending reviews to the wrong journal is often met with confusion.
8. I resolve to stop letting myself get angry about pi.  It's not going to stop being irrational just because I want it to, and I have to learn to accept this with grace.
9. I resolve to remember which team has the ball when I watch a football game because accidentally cheering for the wrong team can produce bruises.
10.  I resolve not to use the word mayhap except in the presence of other nerds of my ilk.
11. I resolve to stop walking into the coffee table, as I'm starting to damage the finish on the corners.
12. I resolve not to correct anyone's grammar on facebook.  Unless I am really provoked.
13. I resolve to stop sniggering whenever I see a Ron Paul sign, as running over curbs can damage my alignment.
14. I resolve to keep a straight face when calling roll in a class with cree8tivLee spelled names.
15. I resolve to make more blog posts transcribing real conversations with Mom, as they are clearly the most popular posts.