Sunday, May 11, 2014

Overheard at Kalamazoo

Once again, loyal readers, I greet you from an airport, specifically the Kalamazoo / Battlecreek Airport, which is a lovely, if exhausted place this Sunday morning, filled with bleary-eyed medievalists recovering from serious scholarship and the midnight dance.

I, on the other hand, am chipper as a chipmunk, having had a stimulating mug of English breakfast tea an hour ago, so I decided to compose for you my last missive from the 49th International Congress of Medieval Studies.

Best Lines Overheard At Kalamazoo 2014,
or, Why I Kept Grinning Like a Maniac When Medievalists Were Talking

  • "Didn't someone want to paint with your blood?"  "Yes, that was a medievalist."
  • "Is this your....ointment?"
  • "Oh, there's your psycho friend!"  "Which one?"
  • "Don't forget:  you forced a duck penis on me, Natalie."
  • "We were all nerds in high school; the only question is, how much of a nerd were you?  And you, you were a member of the A-V club."
  • "I don't eat fish, but whales are mammals."
  • "Wow. She ripped Margery Kempe a new one."
  • "Apparently, I'm slippery."
  • "I like my bazoombas to be up and out.  Winking at people."
  • "Our dough has risen!"
  • "Listen, I do not care what they say about me.  They can say that I'm totally wrong and dead between the ears, just as long as they cite me correctly."
  • "How comfortable are you with night terrors?"
  • "I do have a cute pussy.  In fact, I have three."
  • "Beware, Natalie! Goose ahead!  Goose ahead!"
  • "They always publish everything together.  It's kind of nauseating."
  • "First, you take a dead puffin, and you insert it into a seal..."
  • "Geese mate for life.  You have doomed that goose to celibacy."
  • "Somebody else please say something ridiculous.  I'm tired of hearing about the rising dough."
  • "Never, ever let your family interfere with John Gower."
  • "I always wear pointy shoes at the book exhibits on Sunday morning.  What do you mean,'why?'  What are you, a grad student?  You have to kick some kneecaps to get to the half-price bargains."
  • "I don't know.  He seemed pretty smart when he was reading his paper, but later he couldn't tell Gandalf from Dumbledore, if you know what I mean."
  • "Are you offering your cherry to everyone at the table?"

No comments:

Post a Comment