Mom: I would like you to do me a favor. Would you do that? Do your mother a favor?
Me: I might. It depends on the favor.
Mom: You are so suspicious.
Me: You are my mother.
Mom: Okay, I don't like the way you said that, so I'm going to ignore it. Could you please stop knocking things off of the shelf in the hallway?
Me: Yes, I could do that. But only under one condition.
Mom: I do not want to hear about conditions.
Me: I will stop knocking things off of that shelf if you stop putting things on it.
Mom: It's a shelf! You're supposed to put things on a shelf, not knock things off.
Me: Yes, but I am a big klutz. If you put things on a shelf, I will knock them off. Probably lots of times.
Mom: This is bullsh*t! I want you to stop knocking things off of the shelf! You are a grown woman. Learn not to walk into things!
Me: I really don't think that's in any way possible. No, I can't. The only way I could stop walking into things would be to stop walking.
Mom: Fine! Stop walking in the hallway.
Mom: I do not want to hear it! If you can't stop knocking things off of that shelf, then you cannot walk in the hallway anymore. The Queen has spoken!
Me: No one ever talked to me this way in Special Gym.
Mom: Maybe they should have!