Saturday, February 2, 2013

If Tim Gunn Wrote My Course Syllabi

Obviously, I can keep this up all weekend, folks:

If Tim Gunn Wrote My Syllabus 

Course Objectives
Students should achieve an understanding of the elements of fiction, an appreciation of the literary value of the texts covered, and the ability to write and speak about them with clarity, insight and eloquence.

Make it work, people, make it work!  Give them that electric shock that sends Nina's shoes across the runway!

Attendance Policies

All students are required to attend all scheduled classes, meetings and conferences. Please refer to your Wofford College Student Handbook for the official policies and procedures regarding absences. In my classes the following procedures will be followed [blah, blah, blah, specific numbers of absences permitted, etc, etc]
Andrae?  Where's Andrae?

Class Participation and Decorum

My classes do not include class participation scores; however, because all of the courses that I teach are relatively small (under twenty students), failure to participate in class damages the overall course community. Students are therefore required to participate through class preparation, attentive listening, and written and oral responses. Moreover, students are expected to avoid behavior that undermines or interferes with the participation of other students or distracts the professor.

We are fabulous. We don't have to meet anyone fabulous.  But few things make me angrier than people not taking good care of library materials.

Grading Scale
The grading scale below is used to determine final grades for all of my classes. Students may request their current course average by coming by my office; such an average, however, will not include work turned in but not yet graded. It will also not include any absence/tardiness penalties. I will not send any grades over e-mail, as this is not a secure method of communication.

Just have it be exuberant.

Late Assignments
If you are unable to turn in an assignment on time because of a documented illness or family tragedy, you will not be penalized for turning in work late, provided you present your written excuse within one week of returning to class. If you must turn in work late for other reasons, you be subject to the following penalties:

 This concerns me.

Damage to a student's personal computer or lack of access to the internet will not be considered as excuses for submitting an assignment late unless there is a campus-wide or region-wide failure.  Late penalties will apply to files submitted late for individual technological errors.

This is a make-it-work moment. 

Extra Credit
I sometimes offer classes opportunities for extra credit. These assignments are meant to deepen your appreciation for a subject. Extra credit is always class-wide; I do not give private assignments to individual students, as that would be unfair.

 What are you thinking?  This is such wretched excess.  And Jackie O would not have camel toe.

1 comment:

  1. Ohmygosh, this was hilarious. I wish I had another academic here with me to read it out loud to so we could both be laughing so hard we can hardly breathe -- my children will never appreciate the awesome in this post. Well done!