If My Cat Spike Wrote My Syllabus
|Him Who Must Be Obeyed|
If successful in this course, you will learn the proper way to serve a feline master. You will feed me. And pet me. And pet me more. Unless I'm tired of you. Then you will go away.
You will be here whenever I want to be fed. Or petted. You are not allowed to leave the house except to buy more food.
Class Participation and Decorum
You will sit in such a way that a lap is always available if I want one. You will keep access to all windows and doors clear and make sure that there are comfy spots in front of all of the heating registers.
F: You feed me and give me water once or twice a day.
D: You feed me and give me water once or twice a day and give me lots of pettings.
C: You feed me and give me water once or twice a day and give me lots of pettings and provide catnip mice to eviscerate.
B: You feed me and give me water once or twice a day and give me lots of pettings and provide catnip mice to eviscerate, and you share your meals with me whenever they smell yummy.
A: Empty boxes!
If you are late getting home from work, I will vomit in your shoes. If you are late cleaning the litter box, I will pee in your bed. Do not be late.
If you try to use anything with a screen or a keyboard, I will climb onto your lap and rub my face in yours until you put the infernal device away and pet the kitty.
If you buy tuna, I will share some with you. Maybe.