Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Real Conversation with Mom: Games We Don't Play

Mom:  "Now, you can't work all this week.  I want to play backgammon or Skip-bo or screw-your-neighbor this week."

Me: [pause] "What was that last one?"

Mom:  "Screw-your-neighbor.  The game with the marbles."

Me:  "I have no idea what you're talking about.  And I'm pretty sure I don't want to know."

Mom:  "Don't be an idiot.  That game with the big marble board and the marbles and the dice!  You get to land on people and send them back.  Screw-your-neighbor!"

Me:  "I think you're talking about Aggravation."

Mom:  "Aggravation?  It's called Aggravation?!"

Me: "Yes."

Mom:  "Well, screw-your-neighbor sounds more fun.  I'm going to call  it that."

Me:  "Not in public, please."

Mom:  "You are so uptight!  Who wouldn't want to play screw-your-neighbor?"

Me:  "Depends on the neighbor, I guess."

Mom:  "I know which one I'd like to [inappropriate material deleted] and his cute little [even more inappropriate material deleted] and ice cream!"

Me: "I can't believe you just said that.  What's wrong with a nice game of gin rummy?"

Mom:  "You get ice cream on the cards.  So do you want to play aggravate-the-screwed-neighbor now?"

Me:  "I'm telling my sister on you."

There is, in fact, a card game called "Screw Your Neighbor."  It's not the game Mom's talking about, but it does exist:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ranter-Go-Round.  Mom is vindicated.

Sort of.

Thanks to the eight people who e-mailed me with this information.  I'm worried about all of you.

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