Me: So what would you like for Mother's Day?
Mom: A strand of real pearls.
Me: What would you like for Mother's Day that I will actually get for you?
Mom: A hot naked man...yum, yum!
Me: I've asked you not to do that.
Mom: I don't know what's wrong with you.
Me: What would you like for Mother's Day that I will actually get for you and that will not embarrass me if we are overheard?
Mom: Well, that's no fun. You've taken out almost everything I want!
Me: That is a darned shame.
Mom: I guess I could use a blender to make my smoothies. Or some pretty t-shirts. Pretty ones, not ugly ones that are all busy or with flowers or something. Pretty! Do you know pretty?
Me: This blender...do you care what brand it is?
Mom: No, but it should be pretty too. A pink one. Or yellow. That would be pretty. Yes! A yellow or a pink blender!
Me: I don't think there is such a thing, Mom.
Mom: This is my day! I will have a pretty blender or heads will roll!
Me: Maybe I can find a naked man.
Mom: He must also be pretty. And rich!
Me: You're just setting me up for failure, aren't you?
Mom: Well, maybe. But now you will know how your students feel.
Update: Okay, thanks everyone. I concede that both pink and yellow blenders exist. Lots of them. Everywhere.
Really, you can stop sending me pictures of them now.