Friday, July 20, 2012

Real Conversation with Mom: Alphas

Mom:  What are you watching?

Me:  Alphas.

Mom:  Is this a trekkie thing?

Me:  No.  They track down dangerous criminals and troubled individuals.  Spock does not appear.

Mom:  Okay, that doesn't sound too bad.  [pause]  What are those lights?

Me:  That character can see and manipulate wireless signals.  He's tracing a cell phone call.

Mom:  I do not see the computer.  Don't they do that on computers?

Me:  He's an alpha.  He doesn't need a computer.

Mom:  Batman uses a computer to do that.

Me:  Batman does not appear in this show.

Mom:  I do not think this guy could be smarter than Batman.  Wait, does that woman have a bionic eye?

Me:  No, she is an alpha and can extend her senses.

Mom:  This is a trekkie thing!  These people are not normal!

Me:  No, they are alphas.  They have extra abilities.  And I can't hear what's going on when you shout.

Mom:  You said this wasn't a trekkie thing!  Do you know that Angel is on?  And the witches?!  Why am I watching this trekkie thing?

Me:  The new season starts on Monday, and I want to catch up.  And this is not Star Trek.

Mom:  No more lies!  You lie to your mother!  This is trekkie stuff!  No, shut up right now!  You know I meant any of that trekkie this that sci fi channel?  It is, isn't it?

Me:  Now, Mom...

Mom:  There is no sci fi channel before noon in this house!  My Angel is on, and you are watching this trekkie..look, look at what that one did!  This is sci fi, and you lied to me.

Me: But..

Mom:  None of these men are good lookin' and this show is named for a breakfast cereal.  Change the channel or I will slap the sh!t out of you.

Me:  But..

Mom:  Shut up, give me the clicker, and go to your room.  Breakfast cereal trekkie stuff.  Something is wrong with you.

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