Hello, beloved readers. I've missed you all so very desperately. I spent the last week at a wonderful seminar on Ancient Greek drama in Washington, D.C., and I had to spend all of my leisure time downloading information from my brain into an external hard drive to prevent a complete meltdown of my cognitive functions.
And then I had to fly home. Through Newark. As most of you who follow me on facebook already know, it did not go well. For your amusement, I have compiled the texts and facebook entries I sent out yesterday into a more or less coherent narrative. Enjoy.
2:20 pm: "Two for two on delayed flights. And why is Newark airport so damn loud?"
2:35 pm: “Ugh. A two-year old just vomited half-digested blueberries all over me in the Newark Airport! Had to throw away shirt.”
2:45 pm: "Parents offered (to buy me a new shirt), but everything is too ugly. Flight delayed another half hour. Please send TARDIS!"
3:07 pm: “Sitting on the floor with a 2-hour delay, wearing spare shirt, smelling like vomit. Flashback to undergrad frat party.
3:15 pm: "Saw large blue box in the distance...only Jet Blue kioske. Not TARDIS. Devastated. Flight delayed a third time."
3: 28 pm: "Hating smug Moncton passengers with their on-time departure. Also, I have never heard of Moncton. Am I at the interstellar concourse?!"
3:44 pm: "Flipflops are even uglier in airports. Should be banned for passengers over 3 years old. Stank feet everywhere."
4:03 pm: “Kitty in carrier just vomited and missed my shoes by inches! Too much vomit in this airport! Plague?”
4:46 pm: [Text sent to my friend, Carol] “If I die of old age in this airport, you may have my metal chicken.”
4:50 pm: "See pic? Also not TARDIS. Too short. Airport just messing with me now."
4:58 pm: "Delay number 4. Expecting Godot to show up any time now. And vomit."
5:11 pm: “Slid through a puddle of pee in the restroom, but managed not to fall down. Yeh?”
5:20 pm: "Children whirling around in my new home, gate 20, Newark Airport. Expecting vomit any minute now." [Note: although they bumped into people and fell over, these children did not vomit.]
5:26 pm: "I see... A plane. Is it for me? Will it take me home?! It could be....!"
9:oo pm, 7 hours after anticipated arrival: "Hot shower, red wine, and a warm kitty. Home at last."