Sunday, July 3, 2016

Unanticipated Assistance

Scene 1: Grocery Store Parking Lot

Me:  "Hi!"

Wonderful friends:  "Hey! <insert standard small talk here>"

Me: <more pleasant chatter>

Wonderful friends: "So, do you need your grocery list?  Because you texted it to us this morning."

Me: "Ugh!  So sorry!"

Scene II: Produce Section

Delightful neighbor:  "Don't forget the watermelon."

Me: "What?"

Delightful neighbor:  "The watermelon.  It was on the grocery list you texted me this morning.  Don't forget it."

Me: "Oh no!  Um...thanks!"

Delightful neighbor:  "No problem, dear."
Scene III: Frozen Foods

Colleague from Work: "I don't see the cherry pie.  You're supposed to get a cherry pie."

Me: "Um...did I text that to you this morning?"

Colleague:  "You did.  Don't forget it."

Me: "Thanks.  And sorry for the text."

Colleague: "I'm saving it for the fall party!"

Me: "Wonderful."

Scene IV: While Searching for Raspberry Tea

Former Student: "Hey, did you remember the cheese?"

Me:  "Alright!  What is this?  I don't even have your cell phone number!"

Former Student (backing away slowly): "Uh, you posted it to facebook this morning."

Me:  "I did not!"

Former Student: "Then how did I know about the cheese?"

Me: <growl>
Scene V: The Check-out Line

Cashier:  "Did you find everything you were looking for?"

Me: <very shouty> "YES!"

Cashier: ?!

Me: <quietly> "I'm sorry.  I'm having some trouble working my phone."

Cashier: "It's okay, honey.  They don't make them for us normal people anymore."

Me: "No, no, they don't." <whispering>  "The phones are evil."

Cashier: "Right.  Evil.  You go home and rest now."

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