Mom: Stop this car so that I can smack that guy.
Mom: You never let me do what I want to do!
Me: That's because everything you want to do is a felony.
Mom: You are no fun. It's heartbreaking, really heartbreaking that you never let me do what I want to do!
Me: Yes, I am a terrible daughter.
Mom: Oh! Did you see that! Pull over, so I can smack the <expletive deleted> out of that guy!
Me: We've talked about this.
Mom: Listen, you put it on the computer, and all your computer friends said that you should let me do what I want!
Me: That's because none of my computer friends would have to come up with the cash to bail you out of jail.
Mom: (long pause) That's not how it works. They wouldn't charge me anything.
Me: What are you talking about?
Mom: People over seventy-five don't have to pay any bail.
Me: That is not true.
Mom: How do you know? How do you know? It is true. And you should let me do what I want.
Mom: My Kimmy would let me do it. My Alyce would let me do it. All your computer friends would let me...
Me: Mom! We do not live in a society where you turn seventy-five and can go around committing felonious assault any time you want!
Mom: (long pause) Can I have a baby elephant?