Tuesday, July 12, 2016


Mom: Stop this car so that I can smack that guy.

Me: No.

Mom:  You never let me do what I want to do!

Me:  That's because everything you want to do is a felony.

Mom: You are no fun.  It's heartbreaking, really heartbreaking that you never let me do what I want to do!

Me: Yes, I am a terrible daughter.


Mom:  Oh!  Did you see that!  Pull over, so I can smack the <expletive deleted> out of that guy!

Me:  We've talked about this.

Mom:  Listen, you put it on the computer, and all your computer friends said that you should let me do what I want!

Me:  That's because none of my computer friends would have to come up with the cash to bail you out of jail.

Mom: (long pause) That's not how it works.  They wouldn't charge me anything.

Me: What are you talking about?

Mom:  People over seventy-five don't have to pay any bail.

Me: That is not true.

Mom: How do you know?  How do you know?  It is true.  And you should let me do what I want.

Me: No.

Mom:  My Kimmy would let me do it.  My Alyce would let me do it.  All your computer friends would let me...

Me:  Mom!  We do not live in a society where you turn seventy-five and can go around committing felonious assault any time you want!

Mom:  (long pause)  Can I have a baby elephant?

Me: No.


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