My doctor: "So, it says here that you've come in today because you think...um...you think you have a brain tumor?"
Me: "Yes! There are two lumps growing on the back of my head!"
My doctor: "Have you had any other symptoms?"
Me: "Anxiety, steadily increasing towards panic."
My doctor: "Let's take a look. Ah. Hmm. Right here?"
Me: "Yes! That's it!"
My doctor: "Okay, well, let me ask you something: how often do you wear this hair barrette?"
Me: "The one I have in now? Lots! It's my favorite."
My doctor: "This exact hair barrette? This metal hair barrette with very pointed edges?"
Me: "Oh. Wow."
My doctor: "Maybe you could rotate hair accessories from day to day."
Me: "Um. So my diagnosis is hair barrette too pointy. That's what you're saying?"
My doctor: "Yes. In fact, I'm putting it right into your patient file: avoid pointy hair accessories for one week."
Me: "This is a pretty humiliating experience."
My doctor: "At least you don't have a brain tumor."