Mom: "I want you to steal that guy's hat for me."
Me: "You're always encouraging me to commit crime. I can't do that."
Mom: "Why not?"
Me: "Because I'm a respectable citizen."
Mom: "Well, I'm not, and I want that hat!"
Mom: "You steal pens."
Me: "I do not! I've only taken a pen by accident."
Mom: "Accident? Not me. I look at the pen, and if it's a nice pen, then I take it."
Me: "Wait. You don't do this on accident? You deliberately steal people's pens?!"
Mom: "Only if they are nice. But sometimes I don't have to. I just say, 'Oh, that is a nice pen!' and people give them to me."
Me: "So you are sneaky and a thief."
Mom: "No, I am cute, so people give me things. Deal with it."