Saturday, September 7, 2013

Real Conversations with Mom: Respectability

Mom:  "I want you to steal that guy's hat for me."

Me:  "You're always encouraging me to commit crime.  I can't do that."

Mom:  "Why not?"

Me:  "Because I'm a respectable citizen."

Mom:  "Well, I'm not, and I want that hat!"

Me:  "Thief!"

Mom:  "You steal pens."

Me:  "I do not!  I've only taken a pen by accident."

Mom:  "Accident?  Not me.  I look at the pen, and if it's a nice pen, then I take it."

Me:  "Wait.  You don't do this on accident?  You deliberately steal people's pens?!"

Mom:  "Only if they are nice.  But sometimes I don't have to.  I just say, 'Oh, that is a nice pen!' and people give them to me."

Me: "So you are sneaky and a thief."

Mom:  "No, I am cute, so people give me things.  Deal with it."

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