Sunday, September 1, 2013

Real Conversations with Mom: At the Local Diner

Mom to Waitress:  "Oh, you poor sweet baby!  Mice got into your closet and chewed holes in your jeans!"

Me: <cringe and attempt to activate cloaking device>

Mom <not using her inside voice>:  "You know, I look better in my t-shirt than she does."

Me:  "Mom!  That's rude!"

Mom:  "It's true, though."

Me:  "Why do you think you look better in that shirt than she does?"

Mom:  "Because I have big boobs."

Me: ?!

Waitress:  "That's okay, she's still my favorite."

Me:  "I do not understand."

Mom:  "What's to understand?  I'm wonderful.  And I have big boobs."

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