Real Conversations with Mom: Excerpts from Finals Week

Mom:  You said you cleaned up this room.  What exactly did you clean up?

Me:  See those books on the coffee table?

Mom:  Yes, and they are still there!

Me:  But now they're alphabetized.

Mom:  I am going to beat you with both fists.

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Mom:  Why do you keep wrinkling my clothes?

Me:  They come out of the dryer like that.

Mom:  Only if you leave them in the dryer overnight.

Me:  You could always iron them.

Mom:  You could sh!t on a stick!

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Mom:  You are worrying the hell out of me.

Me:  They are not going to fall.

Mom:  You have four books and a cup of tea and a bunch of pens and a gradebook all balanced on top of one another...they are going to fall.

Me:  Well, if they do, the books will still be alphabetized.

Mom:  I will alphabetize your head!