Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Ten Opening Lines That Are Not

One of my former students dropped by this week and witnessed a rather strange conversation I had with a colleague.  Afterward, she said, "You know, I used to think you were kind of strange, but it's all of you isn't it?  I mean, you're all kind of strange together, aren't you?"

Yes, young padawan, the force is strange in these here parts.  I'm only surprised that it took you this long to notice.

Apropos of that, I present for your amusement lines from my friends, relatives, and colleagues that I have collected and surreptitiously scrawled on post-it notes over the past few months.  Each was supposed to begin a conversation, but, oddly enough, it completely failed to do so:
  1. "Oh my gosh!  I have not peed all day!"
  2. "Paperclips remind me of deformed ears."
  3. "Let's be clear before we start:  I do not want anyone to say anything about anything for the rest of the day!"
  4. "I'm here! No, wait!  I'm not!"
  5. "I know that's fair, but I don't want it to be.  Wait.  Wasn't I just talking to someone else?"
  6. "I thought I dreamed that you died, but then I realized that was someone else's dream."
  7. "Ducks can park anywhere.  Squirrels can't."
  8. "I win fifty cents if you limp today."
  9. "I don't really approve of melon."
  10. "Let's go ahead and square the triangle today."

1 comment:

  1. Well I am happy to see that I did not say any of these things!