Old Man #1: "Here, darlin', sit down."
Me: "Thanks. Are you waiting for someone?"
Old Man #2: "For the wives. Once they get going there's no stoppin' them."
Me: "Same with my Mom. She has bad arthritis except inside Target where she zips around with that shopping cart and makes me dizzy."
Old Man #3: "Here, I have an extra coke. So what kind of tires do you have?"
Me: "On my shopping cart?"
Old Man #3: "On your car. What kind?"
Old Man #2: "Now, Jim, not this again."
Me: "Um. Goodyear, I think."
Old Man #3: "Are they white walled tires?"
Me: "What are those?"
All three old men burst into laughter.
Old Man #1: "The only good looking tires are white walled tires."
Old Man #3: "And you can tell whether or not your tires are clean with white walls."
Old Man #2: "You people know nothing about tires. No one has white walled tires anymore. And who cares if your tires are clean?"
Me: "Do people clean tires?"
All three old men: "Of course, you clean your tires!"
Old Man #3: "Listen, Miss, you have to clean your tires! Otherwise, they might not be clean!"
Old Man #2: "Do you have a paved driveway?"
Me: "My driveway is gravel. Except where it's mud. Or weeds."
Old Man #1: "Then you should not buy white walled tires. They are not for country people."
Old Man #3: "That is a damned lie!"
Old Man #2: "Watch your language!"
Old Man #3: "Sorry. White walled tires are for everybody who wants to look good. You get some white walled tires, and you'll be beating the men off with a stick. They will notice you."
Me: "I could stand to be noticed by some men."
Old Man #1: "But you should get your driveway paved. It's the twentieth century, you know."
Me: "Get my driveway paved and get a pair of white walled tires because it's the twentieth century and that's what men like."
Old Man #2: "Don't listen to these old men. They don't know nothin'. Men like a nice pair of legs. They can buy their own tires."