Saturday, December 8, 2012

A Conversation in Target

Old Man #1:  "Here, darlin', sit down."

Me:  "Thanks.  Are you waiting for someone?"

Old Man #2:  "For the wives.  Once they get going there's no stoppin' them."

Me:  "Same with my Mom.  She has bad arthritis except inside Target where she zips around with that shopping cart and makes me dizzy."

Old Man #3:  "Here, I have an extra coke.  So what kind of tires do you have?"

Me:  "On my shopping cart?"

Old Man #3:  "On your car.  What kind?"

Old Man #2:  "Now, Jim, not this again."

Me:  "Um.  Goodyear, I think."

Old Man #3:  "Are they white walled tires?"

Me:  "What are those?"

All three old men burst into laughter.

Old Man #1:  "The only good looking tires are white walled tires."

Old Man #3: "And you can tell whether or not your tires are clean with white walls."

Old Man #2:  "You people know nothing about tires.  No one has white walled tires anymore.  And who cares if your tires are clean?"

Me:  "Do people clean tires?"

All three old men:  "Of course, you clean your tires!"

Me:  "Why?"

Old Man #3:  "Listen, Miss, you have to clean your tires!  Otherwise, they might not be clean!"

Me:  "Oh."

Old Man #2:  "Do you have a paved driveway?"

Me:  "My driveway is gravel.  Except where it's mud.  Or weeds."

Old Man #1:  "Then you should not buy white walled tires.  They are not for country people."

Old Man #3:  "That is a damned lie!"

Old Man #2:  "Watch your language!"

Old Man #3:  "Sorry.  White walled tires are for everybody who wants to look good.  You get some white walled tires, and you'll be beating the men off with a stick.  They will notice you."

Me:  "I could stand to be noticed by some men."

Old Man #1:  "But you should get your driveway paved.  It's the twentieth century, you know."

Me:  "Get my driveway paved and get a pair of white walled tires because it's the twentieth century and that's what men like."

Old Man #2:  "Don't listen to these old men.  They don't know nothin'.  Men like a nice pair of legs.  They can buy their own tires."

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