Baby Yoda Inspires a Blog Post

After a very long absence, I have returned to the blog, my friends, and I will blog about the Mandalorian, as my friend Michelle has coerced me into finally subscribing to this Disney Plus channel.

Here are my thoughts, very slightly edited, about Episode One.  If you have resisted watching this show but plan to at a later date, desist from reading the blog now!

Okay, the first line is: “Look at his glands.”  I am bemused.

So here is the Mandalorian.  Hmm…I am…disappointed.  Sabine Wren is a Mandalorian, you know, and HER armor is always painted artistically.  Also, she wields the Darksaber, so…this guy just seems to be a bounty hunter.  He loses points for not decorating his armor.  Tim Gunn and I are not happy.

The blue guy that he captures has just referred to Life Day, permanently inscribing the Christmas Special as canon.

I do not quite know how to feel about this.

There is a scene in a bar.  Then there is a scene on a ship.  Now there is another scene in a bar.  Huh.  I may need some wine.

The eyestalk security thing from Return of the Jedi appears, but all it does is scan an i.d. card.  This seems like a waste of technology to me.

I had heard that the fanboys, those who were appalled at a female lead in the last trilogy and got all racist and misogynist all over the internets, really like this show, and I wonder….”You’re outnumbered four-to-one.”  “I like those odds.”…ah, I get it.  Testosterone poisoning all around.  I should have expected that.

Oh! People are eating those Salacious Crumb guys.  I approve of that; I hate that cackling little rat thing.

And now..wtf?  The Mandalorian is being attacked by giant pig lizards that were too close for him to see in his fancy binocular-stick.  And…yes…he punches one with a right hook.  OMG.  I think this is supposed to be like when Luke went to see Obi-Wan in the first movie, but it’s just reminding me of Galaxy Quest.

Is that what they were going for?  Galaxy Quest is a darn good film.  Disney Plus does not have it.  They do have Pete’s Dragon, and that’s 90 minutes of my life I will not be getting back in a hurry, I tell you that.

So this guy…is he an ugnaught?  This guy is making the Mandalorian ride the pig lizards.  He gives him a speech about them.  “You must ride the giant CGI pig lizards like your ancestors in Days of Yore!”  Hee-hee.

Oh, but they are female.  The girl pig lizard monsters eat the men after mating.  That makes sense.  And if you stroke her gently, she calms down, and you can leap upon her! 

The subtext here is…not subtle.  Somewhere the fanboys cheer misogynist clichés.

From a distance, the pig lizards look kind of like sperm with legs, to be honest.  So the CGI monster has been ridden, and the first manly feat of manhood has been accomplished…hurrah!

You know, people write a lot about Mandalorian armor, but I am envying his boots.

Okay, the Ugnaught leads him to a wretched hive of scum and villainy and tells him to blow it up.  Or something.  And here is a droid, a very twisty droid.  This droid is suicidal, clearly.

After the longest blaster fight in Star Wars history, I am blinking at all the damned after images.  They try and fail to hotwire a door.  They use a big weapon captured from the enemy to blow it open.

Yes, the writers have seen Return of the Jedi.  Possibly one too many times.

And…ah!  Baby Yoda at last!  It is so damned cute.  Too cute to let the suicidal droid kill, so Our Hero takes out the droid with one shot (in spite of the fact that it was shot, like, 200 times in the previous scene with no discernible damage).  And the baby is safe. 

All Hail, Mandalorian!  He is a silent, violent bounty hunter who will be humanized by taking care of a cute baby, just like Tom Selleck in Three Men and a Baby.

Which is on Disney Plus.