Things People Have Said to Me This Week

It is finals week, beloved readers, and that means that we (students, professors, people-who-have-to-be-exposed-to-students-or-professors) are a bit crazed.  And you know me well enough by now, precious ones, to know that I keep you all in mind during such weeks, for, lo! they provide much fodder for the blog. 

Things People Have Said 

(or posted or emailed or texted) to Me This Week

• My doctor, turning to his computer after having removed a sliver of glass from my foot:  "C'mon, y'all, where did you hide the foreign bodies?"
• My dear friend Kim, who is responsible for this blog's existence, upon watching me struggle to fasten my seat belt while simultaneously disentangling my purse from my jacket:  "That happens to Remy all the time!" [Note: Remy is 18 months old]
• My friend Liz, shamelessly pandering: "Humping is always interesting."  "I'm just hoping I get quoted in Natalie's blog as being funnier than grading" "I find Natalie needs a nudge now and then."  "Natalie, note humping comment above."  Noted, Liz.  Repeatedly.
• My mom, who had a pinched nerve, upon being told, by me, that moaning "Oh, God!" was starting to get repetitive:  "You asshole!  You asshole, asshole, asshole!"  
• Campus safety officer, upon seeing me attempt to parallel park:  "Huh.  I thought you were getting better at that."
• My sister, after receiving six successive texts that were supposed to go to my friend Kim:  "U need help, serious help..."
• Deno, my wonderful colleague, to Sally, another wonderful colleague, during a department meeting:  "Smack her, please.  I can't reach that far."
• My colleague Amy, in response to my "Ow, ow, ow!" floating toward her down a hallway:  "Good morning, Gnat.  When I hear 'ow,' I always know it's you."

Now, for the fun part, says I:  let's put all of these comments together and see what it reveals about my week:

C'mon, y'all, where did you hide the foreign bodies?  That happens to Remy all the time! Humping is always interesting.  Natalie, note humping comment above. You asshole!  You asshole, asshole, asshole!  Huh.  I thought you were getting better at that.  U need help, serious help...Smack her, please.  I can't reach that far.  Good morning, Gnat.  When I hear 'ow,' I always know it's you.

All in all, I'd prefer more humping and fewer assholes and slivers of glass next week.  If it's all the same to you.