Funniest Facebook Statuses: February 2014

Never fear, beloved readers! I am working on a full-length post.  It has blood in it.  And humps.  And brand new vocabulary words for all!

But until I finish, here are the funniest facebook statuses that have appeared in my newsfeed so far this month:

1. Am I the first person to have ever had to choose between Leslie Nielsen and James Joyce?
   
2. Stop reading ghastly undergraduate prose and feed meh.
   
3. Just told my hairdresser that I'm going for "Nashville, 1979" hair.
   
4. Thought I was having a dizzy spell. Turns out, the chair was tipping over.  Hate it when that happens.
   
5.  Taking a short break from my typical 15-18 hour workday to climb the roof of my house and do some primal screaming.
   
6.  I'm dark and twisty?
   
7.  So my tanning salon has a ghost. Carl has followed me. This is just unacceptable.
   
8. Going to go watch the weather and see what new thing we need to panic about tonight.
   
9. Seriously? Is it because the only place I'm willing to dance is at a post-apocalyptic wasteland?
   
10. It's amazing how well dogs understand Aristotle's rhetorical triangle