So How Did Your Morning Go?

So, gentle readers, I am once again feeling out of sorts with the universe.  Here is a summary of my morning.  Please forgive me for the lack of subjects for my verbs; I just don't have the energy for real sentences tonight.

• 3:15am: hit alarm clock to stop it from ringing.  Get up.  Bang knee into open dresser drawer.  Fall down.  Discover that it is 3:15am.  Check to see that alarm is set correctly. Go back to bed.
• 3:30am: hit alarm clock again.  Shake it viciously.  Go back to bed.
• 3:45am:  scream obscenities at alarm clock.  Realize it is actually my cell phone that is ringing.  Answer it.  Turn down offer for exciting Florida vacation.  Go back to bed.
• 4:00am:  bolt from bed.  Put cell phone on silent.  Go back to bed.
• 6:30am:  Get up, not feeling refreshed and ready to meet the day.  Pour cup of hot tea in mug.  Attempt to pick up mug.  End up with only mug handle.  Stare in confusion.  Pour tea into small cereal bowl instead.
• 8:13am:  walk from car to office building.  Gasp and duck as campus hawk dive bombs me instead of campus squirrels.  Spill briefcase on the sidewalk while ducking.  Endure vicious taunting by campus squirrels.
• 8:17am:  curse when pressing electronic car key does not open office door.  Drop keys.
• 8:18am:  sigh deeply when house key also fails to open office door.  Spill briefcase outside office door.  Unlock office door and trip over spilled briefcase.  
• 8:20am:  Sit on office floor contemplating giving up and going home.  
• 8:22am: Make foolish decision to soldier on.
• 8:26am:  Break off file cabinet key in desk drawer lock.  Pry broken  half of key out of lock.  Avoid looking at now permanently locked file cabinet.
• 9:15am: knock dragon off of bookshelf, breaking it into three pieces.
• 9:21am:  accidentally photocopy 30 copies of 1-page handout upsidedown, resulting in 30 pieces of blank paper.  Rearrange original.  Photocopy again.  Get 30 more blank pieces, this time collated and stapled into five documents.  Decide to go paperless today.
• 9:28am: cut foot stepping on pieces of broken dragon tail.
• 9:31am: accidentally spill box of bandaids all over the floor. Pick them up, one by one.  Knock them over again reaching for bowl of tea.
• 9:45am:  give up and go to campus meeting where it's safe.  Probably.