I am on faculty development leave this semester, beloved
readers, which means that I am reading and writing and writing and reading and
writing, but I am not teaching again until January.
One does not, however, merely switch off the
teaching brain, and I have been having some dreams about meeting with advisees
to discuss their fall schedules.
In my
dream, none of my advisees are typical Wofford students.
Most of them have too many tentacles.
Never let it be said that nightmares cannot be inspiring; to
allow myself the joys of pleasant slumber once again, I have, in the scenarios
below, replaced
Cthulhu-the-sophomore-accounting-major-who-refuses-to-take-stats with other
persons from the sci fi world and imagined them as my advisees.
This is a psychologically healthy way to deal with one's nightmares. I promise.
Advising Meeting #1
Me:
Please come in
and take a seat, Mr. Worf.
How was your
summer?
Worf: I killed sixteen Romulans in battle and spent a week
at Daytona Beach where I conducted myself with honor.
Me:
That sounds
lovely.
Worf:
Klingon
sharks are not so easy to disembowel.
Me: Of course not.
Well, let’s see what you’re planning to take this fall.
Hmmm…well, I see that you are signed up for Coach Ayers’s karate class again.
You realize that you’ve already fulfilled your PE requirement, yes?
Worf: I am planning to audit only.
Coach Ayers says that I am an inspiration to
the others.
Me:
I have no doubt
that’s true.
Alright, now it seems to me
that you are planning to major in chemistry, and you’ve signed up for the
appropriate courses, but you really haven’t fulfilled your gen ed requirements
in the humanities.
What happened to
philosophy?
Worf:
Dr. Henkel gave
me a D on my last essay.
He did not
accept my bat’leth-based counter argument.
Me: Well, your grandfather was an ambassador as well as a
warrior.
Why not take history or
government?
Worf:
Is that the
schedule of a warrior?
Me:
It is if you take
Dr. Byrnes.
Worf:
Very well.
Advising Meeting #2
Me:
Good morning, Ms.
Song.
River Song:
Hello,
Sweetie.
Me: I’ve asked you not to call me that.
River: Oh dear.
Am I
making you uncomfortable?
It’s just
because I’m mildly psychotic.
Me: Right.
Well, are
you still planning to major in sociology?
River: Actually, I already have a Ph.D.
I’m just here because my husband is about to
show up so that we can defeat an alien threat to this campus.
Me: Ohhh-kay.
When is
your “husband” supposed to arrive?
River: Oh that’s the question, isn’t it?
You see, time is not linear.
In fact, it’s…
Me:
Right! Off to
Professor Zides’s class.
You can explain
about non-linear time and
oscillation overthrusters in Physics 121.
River: Buckaroo Banzai is a fictional character,
dear. But I’ll get out of your
hair. Just one piece of advice before I
head to the bookstore…
Me: Yes?
River: Don’t spend
too much time on moodle. It’s become…interesting.
Me: Wonderful.
Advising Meeting #3
Me: Alright,
gentlemen, just what is this about?
Batman: There is only one space left in Dr. Rostan’s
English 203 class, and it belongs to me!
Me: Why is that!
Batman: I’m Batman.
Groot: I am Groot.
Batman: I’m Batman.
Groot: I am Groot.
Batman: I’m Batman!
Groot: I am Groot!
Batman: I’m Batman!
Groot: I am Groot!
Batman: I’M BATMAN!
Groot: I. Am.
GGRROOOTTT!
Me: My office hours
are over, and I still have to meet with Cthulhu. Go away.
