Mom: What are you doing?
Me: Looking for the emergency lantern.
Mom: I think it's in the bedroom.
Me: It's not.
Mom: Yes, it is.
Me: It's not. I know it's not. It's green.
Mom: What difference does that make?
Me: If there were a green lantern in my bedroom, trust me, I'd know.
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Mom: What are you doing?
Me: Trying to get to sleep.
Mom: No, you are not. You are playing a game. Talk to me.
Me: It's 2:00am.
Mom: That's no excuse! Talk to me, or I will kick ass!
Me: Sometimes I wish I did have a Green Lantern in my bedroom.
Mom: Sometimes I wish you were a normal child!
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Mom: What are you doing now?
Me: Reading a book.
Mom: Why are you reading on that computer?
Me: Because my eyes do not glow with a soft luminous radiance like Stella's.
Mom: Who is Stella?
Me: I'm pretty sure she was a relative of Darkseid. The beamy black eyes are a dead giveaway. No idea how Sidney got involved.
Mom: You can stop talking to me now.
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Mom: Are you awake over there?
Me: I am now.
Mom: Let's go honky-tonkin'.
Me: It is 2:40am. Nothing is open at this hour. And I need to get some sleep.
Mom: You are so boring. Hey, let's go [inappropriate content deleted]!
Me: It is 2:43am, and I spent the emergency fund on the kitchen floor, so I don't have any bail money. Go to sleep, dammit.
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Mom: Hey, did you vacuum up that mess?
Me: No.
Mom: Why not?!
Me: The power is out.
Mom: Oh. Right. That's a pretty good reason.
----------
Mom: Are you still awake?
Me: No.
Mom: I'm thinking it would be cooler on the front porch, but I don't want to get dressed. Can I go sit out there like this?
Me: Are you naked?
Mom: Maybe.
Me: Please put on shoes first.
